To celebrate the release of Star Trek this weekend, Lee-Anne looks at the universes creatures and what they should be called!
Balls of fluffy softness which reproduce incredibly quickly. They purr when you stroke them and are completely cute. BUT because of their food consumption and rapid reproduction, Starfleet considers them incredibly dangerous and forbids their transportation. They also scare Klingons, which is hilarious.
What They Should Be Called: Horny Belly Button Fluff or Donald Trumps Wig
My second favourite creature out of all the Star Trek universe. Admittedly, they are total perverts. But that’s ok; they are so cute and fluffy they get away with it. Like my chinchillas.
Considered a pest, like a rat. Chews through wires and is basically a bit of a health hazard. Illegal Vole Fights are not uncommon, so there might be a case against animal cruelty here. Sve the Cardassian Vole! The most misunderstood creature in the Star Trek universe.
What They Should Be Called: Angry Shaved Cat
I’d be pissed too. Also I don’t like the fact it looks slimy. It’s completely naked, so that can’t be sweat right? If they were in our universe, someone on Etsy would be knitting them jumpers.
A type of worm which is considered a sort of delicacy by Klingon folk.
What They Should Be Called: Night of the Living Spaghetti
Gagh –‘Please don’t eat me! I have so much to give!’
Klingon: Look at all the fucks I give *nom nom nom*
The targ is a native to the Klingon homeworld ‘Qo’noS. Similar to a boar, Klingons hunt Targ for food but also keep them as pets. Even big, bad Worf had a pet Targ, which reveals a softer side to the Klingon Lt.
What They Should Be Called: Space Pumba
How do we make a pig more spacey? Give it some horns. I like to think if Worf had been given a micro-pig with a little horn stuck to it’s head, he would have completely lost his shit over how cute it was.
A creature from the planet Vulcan, the sehlat is a large carnivorous animal with six inch fangs and an aggressive demeanour. Even the domesticated ones are still pretty vicious – they are kept as pets by Vulcan children.
What They Should Be Called: Bearly Legal/Pumped up on Bearoids
They seriously let children have these as pets? I’m not ashamed to say I cried when I found out what happened to Spock’s beloved pet sehlat, I-Chaya. Euthanising a pet is a devastating decision to make, even if you are super logical.
Another creature nature to Vulcan, le-matya looks as though it is descended from the feline family. Except they are green. Abnd huge. Spock’s pet sehlat was attacked by a wild Le-Matya and died as a result of the injuries. Because of this no-one likes le-matya, which seems a little harsh.
What They Should Be Called: Battle Cat
By the power of Grey Skull! As these look like cats, I don’t understand why the Vulcans didn’t keep these as pets instead of the massive bear things. Think they had a bad rep for essentially killing I-Chaya; bet they love tuna and chin tickles.
These creatures are considered pretty terrifying in the Star Trek universe. The Ceti Eel carries its larvae on it’s back, until the slimy little buggers are old enough to crawl into the ear of a larger animal, wrap around their cerebral cortex and eventually cause the host to go insane and die. And you thought gnats were pesky?
How is that an eel?? Have you even seen an eel??
It has legs, and an exco skeleton. That’s clearly some kind of ceti lobster. Just like that unsupportive teacher or your bastard ex- don’t’ let them get inside your head!
STAR TREK BEYOND IS OUT NOW!