My dad got me into Star Trek and got me watching all the series. Then I discovered the films: some are good, some are… not so good. Either way, here’s my personal ranking of all the Star Trek films. Just some warning: It’s been a while since I’ve seen some of them, so I’ve described them as I remembered. I also wonder where Star Trek Beyond will rank, so without further adieu, here we go!
12. Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
Here we see Captain Picard face off against his young clone in a very action heavy and not at all Star Trek adventure. They save the Romulans and have fun in a space buggy. The Enterprise nearly gets destroyed.
11. Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
I swear the first time I saw this, there was just an image of space for the first twenty minutes. They find a self aware Voyager probe looking for its dad and tell it to go to another dimension.
10. Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)
A bunch of alien exiles try to take the rings of a planet (therefore killing all the residents) to become immortal and Picard kisses a two hundred year old woman. There’s an annoying kid that is a little too fond of Data.
9. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)
Spock’s brother hi-jacks the enterprise and flies everyone to the center of the galaxy to find god. Spock then shoots God which, well, yes…is a thing that happened in the Star Trek universe.
8. Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)
In the alternate movie universe, Khan is betrayed by Starfleet and swears revenge. He also invented a transporter technology which should have rendered everything else moot. Robocop also had a f*ckhuge ship for some reason. I knew he was Section 31, the sneaky smuck. The Enterprise nearly gets destroyed.
7. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)
They steal the Enterprise and find Spock. The Enterprise gets destroyed.
6. Star Trek Generations (1994)
Picard gets taken by a glowing space ribbon and meets his hero, Kirk. Together they punch an old man who just wants to go into said space ribbon. The Enterprise gets destroyed by some Klingon bitches.
5. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)
Klingons read shakespeare, there is a murder most foul and Kirk breaks out of prison and saves the president. I’m not even joking, it’s awesome.
4. Star Trek: First Contact (1996)
The Star Trek Die Hard featuring the Borg who travel back in time to assimilate Earth before we invent warp travel and meet the Vulcans. Data double crosses everyone. Picard swings on a cable and snaps the Borg queen’s spine. Worf spouts the excellent line “Assimilate this” before blasting the Borg back to the stone age.
3. Star Trek (2009)
A fun reboot where a Romulan goes back in time and completely changes the timeline. The enterprise crew still get together and with the help of Old Spock, blow the Romulans back to hell.
2. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
Kirk’s old adversary, Khan, steals a ship and seeks revenge on Kirk. Kirk and Spock play cat and mouse in a nebula with Khan and blow him the hell up. Spock dies saving the entire crew in an utterly heart-wrenching scene.
1. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)
The crew fly around the sun in a Klingon Bird of Prey, go back in time to 80’s San Fransisco to save some whales and punch some dudes, before taking the whales back to the future to talk an alien space probe out of destroying the Earth. It’s utterly fantastic.