The top-lip carpet. The furry mouth shroud. The caterpillar lipper.
These names and more* are all part of our everyday life. We love a good of moustache in our lives, and some people pine for them dearly…
… Anyway, those hairs that sprout on a person’s lip can be bold, daring, and defining. They can make a character with majesty and dignity or break them in a weedy and pathetic way!
It takes a true master to manage a movie moustache, and we’re are going to shift through the stubble to bring you the best!
Here’s our favourites.
Dustin Hoffman – Hook
This moustache ticks. It ticks guys. Neverland may be the place where you never grow up but it is also the home of a magical moustache that twitches along with a clock. Curled to perfection by Captain Hook, played unrecognisably by Dustin Hoffman, the curled classic is a remarkable hair masterpiece. The thick bush twisted into a thin, well, hook is a marvellous moustache.
Will Ferrell – Anchorman
Good afternoon, internet. A San Diego Newscaster made popular by a famed SNL comedian has his skin rug celebrated across the globe ever since it bounded gloriously on the big screen. The popular character with highly entertaining quips has become so recognised by his face bonnet that it has been reproduced for consumers as movie paraphernalia. Fans can now enjoy their own below-the-nose glory. More on this story at ten. You stay classy Ron Burgundy.
Sean Connery – Zardoz
Honestly, we just included this entry so we can gaze at this photo. There is a lot going on: The red Speedos connected to the red, crossed suspenders. The boots I assume he stole from the defunct section of TK Maxx. The long draped black pony tail. And, oh my god, all that hair. This January Entry of “Beast Dudes on Beaches” is made even more iconic by Sean’s later in life moustache he is now famed for. James Bond may have been smoother but this is one hairy situation to seduce this Pussy Galore.
Charlie Chaplin – The Kid
Not to be confused with any megalomaniac’s moustache, comedian Charlie Chapin had a tightly squared hair forest is one of the most remembered ‘tashes of the film industry, especially if you combine it with the bowler hat (and please, always combine it with a bowler hat.) Chaplin is Britain’s much loved silent movie star with a much loved bristled flesh bush, from The Kid to The Great Dictator…
Sam Elliot – The Big Lebowski
I know what you’re thinking. You’re hearing this entry in the smooth sultry tones of Sam Elliot, aren’t you? That musky deep sound that could coax The Devil into Heaven is the vocal equivalent of pouring honey straight on your naked body and writhing soulfully to a saxophone melody of Barry White tunes. With all that going on in the throat, it’s important that it is conveyed on the face. I mean, look at that thing! That is a moustache that just screams out: “This man could read you Trump tweets and it’ll be like God was fingering your ear!” Truly spectacular.
Nick Offerman – Parks and Recreation
Yes, we know. Parks and Recreation isn’t a film (not with that attitude, it isn’t.) But the bushy beauty trembling on the speak-piece is so glorious in it’s brown opulence that we cannot help but fawn over it. I mean, just look at the picture above alongside that classic Ron Swanson glower. I mean, I can’t grow a moustache for shit and I just felt my own sprout from below my nose. It’s mean, it’s mighty, and it’s meaty. Ron Swanson’s hairy face is wonderfully memorable.
Clark Cable – Gone With The Wind
The wide-faced classic actor Clark Cable is one of the most beloved from that golden era where men could be men and women had to be everything else. The somewhat dated Gone With The Wind is a recognised historical movie as it romped over Civil War, paved the way for Civil Rights (sort of,) and had a Civil ‘Tash. Thinly laid out over the mouth, this is a triumphant MGM classic tamed mouth scarf.
We once fawned over Clark Cable’s moustache and do you know what he said? Yeah, you got it.
Julian Barratt – Mindhorn
The man. The myth. The Mindhorn. Juian Barratt’s latest comedic concoction is a classic character in the making. Despite balding on the top and having to wear a toupee, his lip muff is a beacon of hope for all. We’re actually sad that his acting career (the character, not the actor) dwindled post TV detective career because that is a moustache that demands respect that he is sadly not given. Never fear, Mindhorn and Richard Thorncroft, we’re cheering you on with wild kestrel sounds because we think you rock that oral hole comforter.
*Not official names but, seriously, add them to your vernacular and add some more!
